Update

Ahhh. Apparently, setting the TV to "Light Classical" on the music station (really loud) makes the baby fall asleep for more than 2 hours in the swing. And I slept for at least an hour of that time. Fabulous.

Wednesday

Not much to report. The chicken with 40 cloves of garlic was super yummy. The chicken was falling off the bone after cooking for six hours. And the garlic became almost roasted in texture - like buttah.

Sophie has been stuffed up lately. And the stuffiness occurs after she's been sleeping in our bed all night. I get pretty stuffed up, too, so we're wondering if it is either the bed or the room. Aaron's going to get a cold humidifier today after school so we can see if it is a humidity level thing. If that doesn't work, then we upgrade to the air purifier. She's fine all day once she's out of the bed and has worked the stuffiness out of her nose and throat. She gets noisier and noisier as the night goes on and while maybe she's sleeping, I'm not.

I've discovered another good place for her. In the papasan, in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on. It's dark and loud and she's a bit more upright. It helps in the morning. Which is where she is now while I'm typing this. I can see right into the bathroom so I know when she wakes up. At least she's catching up on lost sleep.

It's raining and gray outside. They are predicting more snow on Friday and Tuesday. I guess it really is time to get the snow tires put back on the car. I was hoping the Thanksgiving snow was a bit of a fluke. I was also hoping to walk into town again today but, while I can handle drizzle, I can't deal with full-on cold rain.

Faces

Weekend Recap

Quite the whirlwind weekend. After the two Thanksgiving meals, we headed back up to my parents' house on Thursday for more family fun. Sophie is quite the snoozer when it is loud and lots of people are talking. My sister's dogs handled the new baby situation quite well. Stella, in particular, was quite maternal with Sophie. She kept doing 'lick-bys' - she'd check up on Sophie by walking over and licking her. Sophie was not bothered by this at all which bodes well for their future relationship. Our niece, Isabel, was also fascinated by Sophie and was a perpetual audience while I was nursing or changing Sophie.

Today, Sophie woke up in the best mood - lots of gummy smiles and squirmies. We walked into town so that I could get stamps and the rest of the ingredients for "Chicken with 40 Garlic Cloves" that is now cooking in the new slow cooker (Thanks Mom). It is a gray and drizzly and cold day. Yuck, yuck, yuck. She was a bit squirmy on the way into town but promptly fell asleep. The carrier wrap we have (Thank you Eric and Daniela) protected her from the drizzle.

This blog has become all about Sophie, hasn't it? Aaron and I are also doing well. He's trying to finish up his senior thesis and I'm trying to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm also trying to think of ideas for holiday cards. Also? I've been watching a lot of British television, so it is my fault if Sophie has an accent.

Photos from the weekend

Click on photo for more.

Oops, forgot to mention that these are my sister's photos from her fancy new camera. ;)

Secondsies

We ended up getting about 2 inches or more of snow and the drive home from my parents' house was fine. And now it is really cold outside. The roads were mostly clear and we managed to get up our driveway with little problem. Sophie slept much more than usual - no witching hour antics. Maybe she was a little over tired from not sleeping all that well at my parents' house. Plus she puked twice; once on my brother-in-law.

Today, everyone came over here with lots of food and fixings and took over our kitchen to cook an early dinner. Aaron and I spent the morning running around doing last minute straightening and cleaning and Aaron had to snow blow the driveway and shovel the front walkway. And go to get beer. Even though everyone ended up bringing beer. Of course. There was grilled salmon and twice-baked potatoes and herbed biscuits and salad with pomegranates and pine nuts and feta and sunken chocolate cakes. Sophie's two younger cousins were amongst the crowd this time (along with my older sister and her husband) and it was quite loud here. TV was loud while Matt was watching 'Return of the Jedi', conversations were loud, etc. Sophie slept through all of it. I guess she likes having a lot of people around her. Her cousin Isabel is in love and quite fascinated with all things Sophie. They brought a LOT of books and baby toys with them to split among Sophie and Galen.

It will be interesting to see how she sleeps tonight.

We are going to look into getting an air purifier for our room. Because I wake up all phlegmy and so does Sophie. She sounds like a little piglet in the morning with all the stuffiness, etc. We've tried to suction her nostrils but what ever is stuffing her up is too far back. After we're up and moving around downstairs, we're both fine. So I think there might be something with the room.

The swing is still working like a charm - she really likes the side-to-side motion. It's interesting: both Aaron and I move side to side when we're holding her. No bouncing. But my brother and his wife bounce when they are holding Galen. And his favorite place is the bouncy chair. Maybe it's genetic.

The kitties are back out from hiding from all the people.

Gotta go. Sophie's getting fussy.

Thank you, thank you very much

We are up at my parents' house for Thanksgiving. We arrived yesterday to avoid the snow that is now piling up outside. My younger sister and husband and their two dogs are here as well. The big project this week was to redo my brother's old room. The carpet was pulled up and new wood-ish flooring was installed. The walls were also painted and a new bunk bed was delivered. It all looks great. We got here after everything was done...

I'm on a very slow connection and others are waiting for the computer, so I'll be quick. I'm thankful for my family and for Aaron's family and for our new little daughter. I have great friends and a great job and life is good.

I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?

One Month Old!

Our little Samurai elf monkey has turned one month old! The hair is the main reason for the “Samurai elf monkey” title. She’s lost most of her front in-utero hair and beneath it is what will probably turn out to be her “real” hair. And it’s quite frizzy, so – sorry Sophie, those are my genes at work. What is left, though, is the longer hair at the back of her head and the crazy tuft that sticks up no matter what we do. So, in some instances she looks like a Samurai warrior with the bald head and the longer tail of hair (I apologize to any Samurai warriors for that description). And she has tufts of hair on her ears, still, that make them look a bit pointy – hence the “elf”. And then there is the primate resemblance. Sophie: when you read this later in life, I’m very sorry.

Dear Sophie: you are a lovely baby. And although you have your extreme cranky moments with the yelling and the struggling and the red face, we love you to bits. You have so many cute moments that they make up for the other dark periods. Even your yelling is adorable because you put everything you’ve got into it and we can respect that. “A” for effort, you overachiever. You gurgle and squeak and grunt and we just melt. You have just started smiling when you are in a good mood and we say “Sophie!” and tell you how cute you are. It helps if we are smiling and giggling, too. We’ve discovered that your feet and ribs are quite ticklish and you don’t quite know what to make of the tickles yet. You are currently sleeping and nursing in bed with me at night and I love being woken up by your grunting and snuggling and licking. You are a little furnace and you make us sweat when you fall asleep while we’re holding you.

You are starting to fit into the lovely 3-6 months clothes that Aunt Kirsten lent us. Little dresses and outfits that are just adorable. Speaking of which, your daddy loves to dress you in pink. I just want that to go on the record since my sisters assumed that I would be the one dressing you as girlie as possible. It’s not me, it’s your daddy.

You haven’t discovered the kitties yet, but they are very aware of your existence. And they’ve become very defiant about their space at the foot of the bed.

You imitate us when we stick our tongues out at you and when we raise our eyebrows. You also mimic us when we make an “O” with our mouths. You are a total charmer already. You make so many different faces that we could sit all day and just watch you. You currently like the swing and the stroller and the car seat. You’ll tolerate the Papasan so long as you are near your daddy. You hate the sponge baths we are giving you while your belly button is healing.

We love you so much and we can't imagine life without you.

Chillin'

The Sophster is asleep - or at least in the Pack-N-Play. Making little grunting noises as she tries to resist the Sandman. I'm attempting to upload some of the newer photos to Flickr. No photos of the elusive smiles yet. We did go for a family walk into town on Saturday. It was quite chilly but Sophie loves the stroller. She was awake the whole time just taking everything in. She was especially cranky last night for about 2 hours while Aaron was playing war games at the local game store. I tried everything - the boob, the stroller, the swing, holding her like an airplane (Aaron's favorite), singing, laying down in bed, the changing table, rocking her in front of the loud kitchen exhaust fans, etc., etc., - finally she fell asleep from exhaustion from all the yelling right as Aaron got home. So he only sort of believed me. Maybe it was the look on my face.

I'll have more tomorrow as Sophie turns ONE MONTH! Can you believe it?

Click on the photo for more:

Smiles!

Well, I just changed Sophie's diaper and she smiled at me on the changing table! Not once but many times! It makes up for the restless night with feedings every hour (we had had a good run of 2-3 hour naps at night for a while there). Aaron had a late meeting yesterday so we were able to all walk into town (well, I was wearing Sophie) to get some exercise. And we were shocked by how cold it had become. It was in the high 40s. Don't worry, Sophie was all bundled up and we were both sweatballs by the time we got home.

I'm hoping to get some napping in today to make up for last night. And this weekend should be pretty relaxed. I have to look through cookbooks for some Thanksgiving ideas. We will all be going up to my parents' house on Thursday and then everyone is coming here on Friday. They SAY I won't have to cook anything for Friday but I'm not so sure. I will at least have to straighten up a bit - dusting, Swiffering, moving tables and counting chairs and looking for tablecloths as there will be 10.5 of us here.

Anyhoo, baby smiles have turned into some yelling. Have a great weekend!

Little Chunk

We had another pediatrician's appointment today to check on her belly button. Her umbilical cord stump fell off over a week ago and her belly button looked a little swollen and not like a normal belly button. Plus, sometimes you could see farther down into her belly area and it was causing me concern. So, off to the doctor's for a check-up. It's a rainy, crappy gray day. And the appointment was at a time when Aaron would be at school. Sophie was strapped into the car seat and clipped into the stroller and then the whole thing was covered by a plastic rain cover and off we went. Now, before some of you email me to say "I could have given you a ride!" - it was fine. The office is fairly close, I needed the exercise and Sophie was quiet the whole way there and back. At the doctor's office was another story but that had more to do with her being hungry since she barely ate before we left. And I wasn't comfortable feeding her in the waiting room since I didn't know when her name would be called. (Very strange to have my daughter's name called in a waiting room. And to list 'mother' on her exam forms.) Anyhoo, angry baby was called back to an exam room and a very nice pediatrician (not our normal one) examined her and said that her belly button looks fine to him but to let them know if it starts oozing. Sophie was completely quiet with the nice doctor. We even weighed her and - get this - she's 10 pounds, 14 ounces! She's now in the 95th percentile for weight. Obviously a good eater.

She started yelling at me again when I tried to strap her back into the car seat so we wheeled out into the building a bit and sat on a bench so I could feed her a bit before attempting the stroll home.

Anyhoo, she's doing great and she's getting heavier and heavier. She's extended the length of each feeding a bit (except for this morning) and last night she had a couple of snoozes that were almost 3 hours long! Woo!

In other news, THANK YOU to daymented for the fantastic book! Not sure if I'll be able to read it aloud without weeping because it is so sweet.

Weekend

Well, that was a bit of a whirlwind weekend. I couldn't write about it in advance because we drove down to my sister's house for a surprise birthday party for her husband who just turned 40 (lordy, lordy). AND he just finished the NY Marathon! Not bad for someone over the hill. ;)

Aaron had his math GRE in the morning on Saturday and while he was there, I strapped Sophie into the Bjorn and packed and cleaned and organized. And then gave the little sweatball a spongebath because this little girl gets an 'A' in drooling. Aaron then rushed home and then we packed the car in seconds flat and hit the road to try and make it down to NY in time to surprise my brother-in-law. And change our clothes and Sophie's. We JUST made it. The party was at an interactive cooking restaurant in which you can help prepare the meal. They made sweet potato raviolis (which, incidentally, were the exact same color as Sophie's poop) and a yummy pear/goat cheese salad and stuffed chicken. I watched over Sophie while Aaron prepared the raviolis. She did amazingly well. I did have to feed her twice while we were there - in front of an audience of very fascinated little girl cousins. 'What are you doing?' 'Why is she covered with an apron?' Sophie ended up sleeping most of the time. I think she liked the noise of the big group of people.

It was a great weekend - the first time my sisters got to meet Sophie and I think she charmed them sufficiently.

It was our first road trip and although the ride home was a bit longer because of extra stops (feeding, changing diapers, getting gas for the car), she gets an 9 out of 10 for being such a good baby.

No more Doula

So, after long consideration, I told the doula that I didn't think I'd need her services any more. She got a bit upset about it. But really? I asked her to Swiffer and maybe clean the stovetop and she was all out of breath and it was painful to watch. She just had foot surgery so I'm sure she just wanted to sit. Also, she made me impatient with her long stories and she would get easily distracted while talking so I had to keep reminding her of the subject. A bit annoying. She's a sweet woman, but the service was not helping me. She did help me sterilize all the Medela and Avent pumps and bottles from my sister, so that was nice.

Anyhoo, Aaron is home today and tomorrow and it feels like the weekend is here already. He's currently wearing Sophie in the Bjorn. He was sitting at the computer asking me to do things for him and I had to remind him that the whole point of the Bjorn is that he can walk around with her. "Oh yeah!" So now he's downstairs fixing himself something to eat.

It's gotten much colder outside and there is a rumor of snow tonight and tomorrow. Considering it was in the high 60s when I went for walks earlier this week, snow seems almost surreal.

The idea of putting something under the front of the car seat makes a lot of sense. We'll have to see what we can do. It won't make the car seat less safe? The seat does have a the head roll thing but it doesn't keep her head from listing forward when she's sleeping.

Things I did not know, Part One

in which most talk is of boobs.

I knew my boobs would get bigger. And they did get bigger while I was pregnant. But great googly-moogly! Now? I've filled my E-cup bra and it spilleth over. And I started out as a petite B-cup, people! I must have gained at least 10 pounds in just boob.

When you are breastfeeding? And the cute little baby suddenly pulls off the nipple? You are going to shoot milk all over baby and across the couch and floor.

You are going to need way more breast pads than you think. Because if you leave one in too long? It's going to smell like vinegar. Or something like a vinegar/milk combination.

When babies barf? They have an uncanny ability to send all the barf into your cleavage. Luckily nursing bras have a nice bowl there to hold all the barf until you attempt to remove said bra.

I always knew that little baby boys would spray you with urine if given a chance, hence holding a diaper over their privates while trying to change them. Who knew that little girls could send arcs of pee into the air? Or that they fully enjoy waiting until the diaper is off to let loose the explosive yellow poops?

I should have guessed on this one, but who knew my husband would be so proud of our little daughter when she lets loose one of her extremely loud and messy sounding farts?

If a little baby is crying while on the changing table and she suddenly becomes silent? Prepare yourself because here comes the pee arc!

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In other news, today is doula day again. I'm kind of dreading it. I don't feel comfortable asking her to clean up around the house and 4 hours seems like a really long time to have someone here cleaning and cooking. Plus, I feel like I have to entertain her and that is exhausting. Sophie really wants to sleep on me during the day (yes, I've tried to put her down to sleep many, many times) and I just want to nap when Sophie's sleeping. [That said, in a somewhat freak turn of events, Sophie is actually, at this moment, sleeping in the CRIB. And she's been there for over 1/2 an hour! With no complaints! Completely asleep! And now I've jinxed it, I'm sure!] I think I'm going to tell the doula elf that I don't need her services and thank you very much. Aaron and I, so far, have things pretty much under control. This way, she can focus on families who need her help more.

Monday Night

Well, Soph slept for a good 3+ hours today while I strapped her into the Baby Bjorn and took a walk into town to mail the first pile of announcements and to return some crappy breast pads (by Johnson's - don't buy these because they stick to sticky nipples and also? they soak through because there is no plastic backing). It was very windy and yet warm and it was a nice little trip. She was a treat all day until about 6pm when she started to have one meltdown after another. She's hitting the three week terrors, I'm afraid. It's frustrating because nothing we seem to do placates her.

So there's that.

Sunday

Today was a gray, drizzly day. I had plans to take the family for another excursion but we stayed in and were pooped and barfed upon instead. Who knew such a little girl could spew such unholy milk product from one little mouth?

My brother-in-law ran the NYC Marathon today! Incredible. He managed to finish in about 4 hours. In the same 4 hours, I finished off the Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream and ate at least 15 Nilla wafers. There was also some leftover Halloween candy to be consumed. You can see I'm working on losing the baby weight.

Hospital Observations

More notes about the hospital stay so that I don't forget.

Again, may be too much for some readers. So, stop reading now.

I didn't eat anything from the time Aaron and I had dinner on Friday night until Sophie was born on Saturday night. Well, nothing except ginger ale, water and raspberry Italian ice. And one popsickle. So, when it came time for the pushing, there was very little poop to push out. Which was one of my fears - that I would poop all over the table. And, actually, Sophie pooped on me right after she was placed on my chest.

They had to give me IV fluids because I was sweating and exerting so much. They were supposed to maybe give me more energy but I didn't notice any difference.

The jacuzzi tub actually reduced my blood pressure significantly. From 130/90 down to 112/68 near the end.

Even though I had no painkillers during the birth, I was not going to say no to Percocet and Motrin afterwards.

My fingernails doubled in length during the 2.5 days in the hospital - maybe due to the influx of hormones?

We ordered a pizza from Pizza Amore (?) in town - there was a huge delivery binder of restaurants from which we could choose but at that point we were both looking for something easy. My half had mushrooms and garlic and Aaron had a Hawaiian pizza on his half. We both ate a couple of pieces and then gave the rest to the nurses.

Sophie warbled and squeaked and grunted all night. We didn't know what to do with her. I fed her a whole bunch and Aaron held her the rest of the time. Still no real sleep for me - I was way too wound up. It wasn't until the second night that Jody, the nurse, took Sophie for a few hours to check her hearing and to give us a break and I actually slept enough to dream. About contractions. Ugh.

When you are in the hospital after giving birth? Lots of nurses have to stop by and check things. Blood was drawn, Sophie was checked, blood pressure was taken routinely, lots of paperwork was handed off and then I had to decide on food for the next two days. Also the pediatrician comes by and relatives want to visit and call. So, no sleeping.

Even though I didn't have an episiotomy, I did tear and get stitches. So I was very sore and swollen and Aaron had to help me swing my legs into bed the first few times. Also? After being in the jacuzzi tub for hours and hours, my legs and feet were completely dried out and pruned. I was having a hard time bending over so Aaron put lotion on my legs and feet before I went to bed.

Immediately after giving birth, I still looked like I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. Two weeks later, I still have a belly that is comparable to about 3 months or so. Only it's not hard but quite smushy.

I was very worried about the first poop after giving birth due to horrifying stories from other mothers. They kept feeding me stool softeners and really? It was a piece of cake. Of course, I've never had a problem with constipation. The exact opposite, actually.

They gave me a big bowl of ice in which to put the Tucks hemorrhoid pads. Aaahh.

I had to keep squirting my gigi with warm water to help everything heal. Going to the bathroom became quite a production.

The ice pack they gave me immediately after my first shower? It was a surgical glove filled with ice. Try walking around with that between your legs.

The first pediatrician to visit asked us how Sophie was doing. Aaron: "She's an angel." Pediatrician: "Yeah, I'm going to need to talk to you about that."

My sister-in-law and brother brought a big gift bag of food that was a godsend. Aaron ate all the cider donuts within 5 minutes. My mom also brought brownies which were gone in about 10 minutes.

The hospital gave Sophie a very cute pink knitted hat. Apparently they have volunteers who knit hats for all the newborns.

During the birth, I had Aaron ask for a birthing ball in case I might want to try using it. I never did. The idea of squatting down to sit just wasn't going to work for me. Or rather, sitting was not an option at that point.

I rode in the back of our two-seater Honda Civic, squished in next to the car seat that contained Sophie. Her head kept toppling forward because she fell asleep immediately. It was very worrying but apparently there is nothing you can do about it while they can't hold their heads up. It did not look comfortable.

I may add more here later as I remember things.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 4 year wedding anniversary. And Tuesday was our 9 year dating anniversary. October/November are busy months for us. And now we add Sophie's birthday into the mix.

Aaron took the day off from his one class today to stay home. We took a quick walk into town to show off Sophie to the coffee shop clerk who has been watching my belly get bigger and bigger. And then Soph got very fussy on the way home so we high-tailed it back to give her more cowbell.

In honor of my lovely husband who is currently downstairs snuggling with both the little scrunchkin and Otto, I bring you the story of Sophie's birth.

Warning: might contain too much information.

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It all started that Friday morning. I had the OB appointment with the horrid doctor who, I think, stripped my membranes without asking. It was a painful examination, not least of which because her fingers were so short.

And then I was quite crampy from that appointment on throughout the day. And progressively more crampy with back achiness added in for measure. All along, they had been telling me that if I don't feel it in my back, then it probably isn't contractions. So, about 2:30 that afternoon, I started feeling twinges in my back in addition to the contractions that started to come more regularly. Now it's funny to look back on these "contractions" compared to what came later. I wasn't mentioning them to Aaron at this point because I could still walk around and talk and joke while having them. I decided to experiment around 10 pm and tried doing a little nipple stimulation. Yikes! Things picked up then. Apparently, the stimulation released the right amount of oxytocin and convinced my body to get things moving along. I wrote an asterisk next to the 10:10 pm time recording because it was a noticeably stronger contraction. And then I started having the same strength contractions until 11:30 when Aaron convinced me to call the OB office to check in and see what they would recommend. Also because it was either try to go to bed or go into labor. My sister and mother had very short labors and I was a bit worried that if I stayed home, I'd end up having her here. Ended up not needing to worry about that.

So, the doctor called back and after discussing the timing of the contractions, etc., recommended that it was time to head to the hospital where they would check me. Because I was going to be induced on Monday night anyway, even if things hadn't progressed much, they most likely wouldn't send me home.

I think it started to sink in at this point. Because as soon as I hung up the phone, with Aaron looking at me with anticipation, I started to cry. And he knew to start gathering up the bags and supplies. We had had a hospital bag packed for about 3 weeks now, but now, finally, it was real. So there was a lot of last minute decisions on what to bring. I could still walk around and make decisions at this point so the contractions were manageable. Again, in hindsight, these were nothing. Now I'll know for next time.

We got to the hospital lugging about 5 different bags at right about midnight. Or, rather, Aaron was lugging all the bags because he didn't want me to carry anything. We had to wait at the security checkpoint for someone at the birthing center to come down and fetch me. I think the fact that I didn't need a wheelchair at this point was another good indication that I might have waited longer.

We were ushered to our birthing room and I was asked to disrobe and put on the lovely johnny that became my wardrobe for the next 20 hours or so. I was given a monitoring belt thingy in which they could stick the baby heartbeat monitor and the contractions monitor. The contractions were steady but minor. Sophie's heartbeat was strong and normal. My blood pressure was still high. Dr. Hicks arrived to check me and I was still about 2 cm. So, she advised that she would be back in a few hours to check again. Our nurse at this point was Kerri. She was young and very sweet and was very quiet and calm all night. She was also a Scorpio, so we had a discussion about Sophie maybe waiting until the 23rd because she wanted to be a Scorpio, too. Aaron managed to snooze a bit on the very uncomfortable 'couch' in the room. I tried to snooze, but the contractions were getting more uncomfortable and more regular.

First thing in the morning (around 7 am), Kerri's shift ended and Dolores became our nurse. She was older and had obviously done this a lot. She was very frank and no nonsense and the perfect person to have in a birthing room with you. Dr. Hicks returned to check and I was still about 2 cm. So we had a discussion about maybe sending me home for a bit (no, too scary at this point) or maybe giving me pitocin (um, no) or maybe inserting a cervidil insert. I decided on the cervidil insert because it was less harsh than pitocin and consisted of prostoglandin which helps to ready the cervix vs. giving you full-blown contractions (that's my interpretation).

Dr. Hicks recommended Aaron and I walk around the birthing center for a bit while Dolores got the jacuzzi tub ready for me. I think the cervidil was finally inserted about noon - and it was supposed stay in for 12 hours. By now, the contractions were enough to cause me to stop walking and concentrate on getting through them. I also desperately needed Aaron to hold me while I had a contraction. Finally, the tub was ready and in I went. Aaaaahh. All I can say. Our childbirth coach had recommended the tub - 'Get in it even if it seems like it couldn't possibly help'. I was feeling most of the contractions in my back and the tub helped immensely. I'm not sure whether it was the heat or the jets, but something took the edge off. They would pull me out of the tub every 2 hours or so to put me back on the monitors and to check my dilation status. I can't remember the timing at this point, but the next check I was at 3-4 and then the next stage I was at 5-6. Aaron tried to get me to do another walk around the birthing center but I found I just could not leave the room. This is about what they considered 'active labor' which ended up being about 7.5 hours for me. They estimated that active labor started about 1:30 or so. Why the earlier contractions were not considered labor, I don't know. They certainly felt like something more than just preparation.

All the while, it was getting more and more difficult to get out of the tub to dry off and then get into the labor bed to be monitored. The tub was so relaxing and it really helped me to concentrate on getting through the contractions that I was actually a bit panicked when they would come to get me out again. And as soon as the monitoring was done, I was back in the tub. All modesty went out the door at this point. I didn't care who saw me naked. I even peed all over the bed during one of my contractions and I was mortified but all I could think about was getting back in the tub. I had much more important things to think about. At some point, the contractions really started getting intense. Much more intense than before and much, much harder for me to get my mind around. Aaron had been given lots of tips by Dolores about giving me ice chips to munch on, to keep a very cold, icy compress on my forehead and to tell me, during the monitoring, when the contractions were hitting their peaks. These things all became crucial to me as we neared the end. I really, desperately, needed to know when the contractions hit their peak. They were almost too much to bear at times. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, there I was in the tub. Still. And at this point, I wanted it really dark and I needed Aaron to be in the bathroom with me. So he sat on the floor and held my hand and fed me ice and gave me ice water and talked me quietly through the contractions. The water was barely helping at this point. I had a couple of jets hitting my ankles. I tried to concentrate on those jets when the contractions hit. They seemed to be hitting me every 2 minutes or less. And I remember thinking that when they check me again, if I'm not past 7 cm, I'm not sure I'll be able to handle getting to a full 10. I had given them a birth plan and had asked that they not ask me about pain killers. That I would bring up the subject if I needed them. And they were very good about this. Yes, I was in a LOT of pain at this point, but instinctively I knew I could do it. And I knew it was probably too late for anything, anyway. Dolores had even said at one point - 'it's going to hurt a lot, but no one has died from the pain'. Maybe I wanted the bragging rights and maybe a lot of it was that I didn't want to hurt Sophie. And I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

So, this time when they tried to get me out of the tub, it took everything I had to get through the contractions while standing. The gravity was just too much after being in the tub for so long. And, coincidentally, Dolores' shift was ending and Jody (a much younger nurse) was going to take over. So Jody's introduction to me was while I was dripping wet, completely naked, Aaron wiping me down with towels while I was practically doubled over with contractions. Not a pretty sight. I'm sure she's seen it all, but I remember thinking I'm going to be embarrassed about this later. It must have taken 20 minutes or more for me to get back into the monitoring belt, back into the johnny and make the walk to the birthing bed. Up until this point, I had managed to just breath steadily during contractions and not really make much noise. Now, however, my animal nature was starting to help me to cope and I was starting to make what can only be described as sort of low mooing noises. Kind of like extended, gutteral "Ow" noises.

Back on the bed, without the help of the jacuzzi jets or the hot water, the contractions suddenly became urgent. They called in Dr. Hicks who entered the room as I was mooing and really, really holding onto the handles of the bed. She checked me and said - "Um, you're at 9.5 - 10 right now". Aaron got all excited and I was concentrating too much on getting through the now every minute huge contractions. Since my water had not yet broken, Dr. Hicks broke the water and luckily it was very clear (meaning no meconium). Dr. Hicks said there was still a couple of hours to go (I remember feeling really disheartened about this) so she'd be back soon. And to let everyone know if I felt like I had to poop. No sooner than she left than the contractions started to feel like I was going to shit all over the table. I told Jody who called Dr. Hicks back in again. They set up the table and started to put on their scrubs outfits and Jody started to get the baby table ready. I remember Aaron being very excited about the baby table ('Do you know what they are doing now? They are getting the baby table ready!'). I was squeezing his hand with every contraction and really just trying to get through them.

Sophie was apparently part-way turned around so they let me try pushing for a bit before Dr. Hicks decided that I was going to exhaust myself. She left briefly again and said she wanted to let my body do some of the work for me. I rolled back over on my left side and 'waited'. And, this still surprises me, my body started to push on its own. The contractions started coming in waves, one on top of another and my body would contort on its own at the end of each wave. Lots of "owwwing" and contorting and all of a sudden, Dr. Hicks was back. Now she put on more surgical scrubs and a face shield - all of which Aaron told me with excitement. They made the transformer table into a push/squat bar thing contraption with the foot of the bed lowered. She wanted me to drape myself over the bar when the contractions started. This pulled me up into a squatting position and as I pushed, she was able to turn Sophie into a better position. I remember thinking that there was no possible way I could get myself into a squatting position. But there was lots of help from Aaron and Jody and I managed to do it every time. And each time, after the contraction, they would have me 'sit' back down again which increasingly felt like I was sitting on Sophie's head. Quite a bit of pushing in this position with Dr. Hicks trying to turn Sophie's head into a better position. The contractions were about 1 minute apart so as soon as I'd 'sit' down after pushing, I'd have to haul myself back up on the bar again.

Finally, Sophie was turned and they had me lay back (with my shoulders pretty high up) again and try to push the more traditional way. Dr. Hicks kept telling me to hold my knees up when I pushed but there was no way in hell I was going to let go of the side handle. So they added some handles a bit farther down the bed - about where they'd be on a rowing machine. I grabbed onto those and then Aaron and Jody held my knees with each contraction. Big pushes and Aaron excitedly told me her head was out! Lots of dark hair! Dr. Hicks told me to stop pushing so that she could turn Sophie again to get her shoulders out. But Sophie was having none of it and one by one her hands started to poke out of the birth canal. So Dr. Hicks told me to push again. It took two more big pushes and then relief! I could feel her slide out of me and Aaron was beside himself with excitement. Dr. Hicks prepared her umbilical cord and Aaron cut it. Amazingly, what Dr. Hicks predicted would take a couple of hours actually took about a half hour.

And then all of a sudden, there is my daughter lying on my chest. All covered in goo but fully lucid and starting to cry a bit. So I said - "Hello Sophia" and she stopped crying and just looked at me with amazement. And then Aaron said "Hello baby girl" and she looked toward his voice. And in that moment, all the pain and hurting was worth it. I have never seen anything so amazing as my husband's face looking at his new daughter.

There was more, weighing, measuring, breastfeeding for the first time, stamping her feets with ink for eternity, etc. But what will always stick with me is how incredibly supportive Aaron was. He never left my side and was more encouraging and enthusiastic and helpful than I could ever have imagined. I can't even fathom going through something like this with anyone else.

Quiet Time

Sophie's sleeping to the dulcet sounds of the womb-sounds teddy bear. So I have about 5 minutes to give you an update. The doula came yesterday and she was a very sweet, older grandma-type woman. Wee, like an elf. Sophie slept pretty much the entire time (with boob breaks, of course). It's going to be hard to get used to a doula because I think of myself as being pretty efficient and Aaron really helps out a LOT. So I don't think I'm as needy as others the doula is visiting. She stays for 4 hours at a time and that seemed like forever yesterday. She's coming Wednesday next week as well.

I also had a blood pressure/thyroid check with my regular doctor in the morning. I fed Soph right before we left and she stayed snoozing until we got home about 2 hours later. She really likes the motion of the car/car seat. Blood pressure is still a bit high (130/88) but we're going to try a 'lower your blood pressure diet' that basically consists of avoiding salty foods and eating more fruits and vegetables. And since the jacuzzi labor tub worked so well at the hospital, also going to try some relaxation techniques. Oh yeah, and I've already lost 20 pounds and my belly is shrinking nicely back into shape.

Tomorrow, if I can manage, is the birth story.

And now Sophie is awake. More later.